Tour is coming home! After last year's successful french 'tour de force', a phrase for which the french do not yet have a translation, tour returns this year to British soil. A Tr-exit from expensive flying-tours this year's offering will be budget. Budget transport, budget accommodation, budget food and budget organisation (BTBABDBO)... there will however be MONUMENTOUS Rugbys and not to mention just a little bit of "The Drinkings" (MRATD), for nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him jaeger.

But where to?

The decision of tour location this year was not made arbitrarily, indeed there was an extensive review of locations and the formation of a guidance and steering committee to determine the optimum location for BTBABDBO but that which would also offer all the MRATD. A highly complicated piece of tour programming equipment was constructed known as the "PTTOTD" or PITOD for short. PITOD consists of a map of England, a piece of string (50 miles long in map scale) and a large pin. The pin was affixed to the end of a length of string with some epoxy resin, when reaching the end of the rope, a knot was tied and hung on a tungsten tipped self tapping screw, screwed directly into the heart of Leicester thus denoting the centre of a possible 50 mile radius tour-potensh-circle. Steering committee members then took turns being blindfolded and stabbing the needle into the map at random.

The resulting locations suggested by PITOD were: several other committee members' hands, somewhere in the peak district, a small industrial estate off the A5 at Tamworth, an over flow car park at Twycross Zoo and an area of blue map called "Rutland Water". Although great suggestions all were ignored with no justification given. PITOD was mothballed but later taken out of storage, re-purposed and promoted to lead Brexit negotiator.

So where are we going? Well read on friend, because a wise man once said "my Best Friend is a person who will give me a book I have not read".

The tour location would need to be relatively local to allow easy access by public transport or a shortish journey in the car (see above paragraph describing the PITOD method), would need to have several of "The Rugby Clubs", or at least a minimum of one. The location would also need to be of respectable standing.. but equally "not that respectable", as after all we need to get 20+ rugby players into it's clubs, pubs and bedrooms/hotels.

There have been some subtle hints thus far, the picture below will undoubtedly give it away to anyone who, like me, is a massive Cathedral enthusiast (Russian ex-kgb cathedral enthusiasts need not apply).

Still not sure? What about now, come on Castle fans...let's hear you.

Really not got it yet... what about now?

Yes, that's right we're going to Lincoln!

A city heaped with praise and variously described in several prolific publications as "being in Lincolnshire", Lincoln is destined to maybe not totally disappoint. Once home for more than 200 years to the tallest building in the world, Lincoln Cathedral, it now isn't. Steeped in historical significance, Lincoln was once a thriving roman town in a period known as "it's hay-day". The streets would have been lined by row after row of magnificent roman buildings but not anymore as they've all fallen down or been dynamited by faschist Anglo-Saxons. Lincoln is high regarded for it's number of working Railway stations; one. Transport to, from and within Lincoln is an absolute breeze due to the ubiquitous application of roads. Visitors to Lincoln could enjoy a game of football at the Sincil Bank stadium, or a lovely afternoon out at Lincoln Castle. Longer term visitors could enjoy a thorough education at either of the city's two higher education facilities. Visitors looking for a more permanent stay in Lincoln should consider the HM Prison Lincoln, just off of Greetwell Road, a short walk east of the town centre. Almost all roads in Lincolnshire go to Lincoln, but strangely they all stop several miles outside of the city and just sit there looking apprehensive and afraid to enter. Lincoln has an incredibly unique climate which is described as "like the rest of the British Isles". Lincoln is also famous for it's Cliff, also known as the Lincoln Edge, or "Trent Cliff" to cool people. This cliff is an escarpment of resistant Jurrasic limestones deposited in a warm shallow sea, not too dissimilar to what Lincoln will be in approximately 50 years, something which is probably worth waiting for. Engineering enthusiasts will be stoked to hear that Bifrangi, an Italian company, makes crankshafts for off-road vehicles (tractors), using a screw press based at the former Tower Works. Surely top of the 'to do' list of you ever need to explain why you were visiting Lincoln during an unusually short trip from mother Russia.

I could go on, but by now I am sure that you already have your wallets open and are wanting to thrust money into me to make this happen.

It is the steering committee's intention to organise this tour for ~£100. This £100 will cover accommodation, tour shirt, insurances and any remainder will be used to initiate the tour kitty/pay for gifts to the host club/pay for Huw and Pete to go to the cinema. Travel expenses are your own depending on how you wish to get there. You will need to organise your own cars or purchase train tickets.

We hope to have either two games on the Saturday (requires 30+ tourists.. obviously). Or attempt to revive the two games-two days tour with a game on both Saturday and Sunday. Match details tbc.

The intention is to get inner city hotel's booked up so that no one need walk too far at 5am, for I am a slow walker, but I never walk back.

To secure your place we will be looking for a £20 deposit up front, due in the next few weeks so we can start making hotel reservations. The less prompt you are paying this the more likely you will end up staying in a bail hostel again. Details for making this deposit will be messaged to members via Pitchero in the next few days.

GET EXCITED.